Leaving Amanda at her new house is *THE* single most difficult thing we’ve ever done in our lives so far. We, Tim & I, both agree that the season of ADDING children to our home was much more enjoyable than this new season of them starting to leave our comfy little nest.
Earlier this summer when I had Bluebird Blogs create a new skin for our blog I almost changed the name of our blog to “On the Road to Beautiful” because of the phrase “on the road to beautiful my seasons always change” which is in the chorus of this song. You can hear
On The Road To Beautiful by Charlie Hall if you click on the highlighted link and download Rhapsody Player which took me less than a minute or two. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this song, you might want to take the time to do this. It’s WORTH it. I tried to find the song on You Tube, but the only You Tube recording of it was NOT GOOD!
Anyway, back to what I was saying. I almost chose the title of this song as our blog title because of the “seasons” part of the song and knowing that we were about to enter a new season. In fact, the seasons *are* always changing around here with our kids being so far apart. I remember one point in time when Amanda got her braces on, Emily lost her last baby tooth, Josh lost his first baby tooth, and Nathan got his first tooth all in a short amount of time. Can you BELIEVE this picture was taken *only* four years ago?
Again, I have to ask… where did the time go? And, I need to remind those of you who haven’t had a child leave home yet that in a blink of an eye it will be your turn to launch a little one out into the world and trust me, you’ll be wondering the SAME thing! It really seems like just yesterday we brought Amanda home from the hospital. It seems like yesterday we were changing zillions of diapers, rushing to swimming lessons every Saturday, and the list goes on. While we’ve had changing seasons all along – potty training, first drivers license, first car, first everything, etc…. having one move out is a *SIGNIFCANT* life season change, imo. I’ll call the other things milestones from now on and save the word “seasons” for the big changes!
We didn’t change our blog title to On The Road To Beautiful because we also really liked our LIFE IS GOOD title and the road to beautiful one seemed to keep coming back with pictures of peaceful, serene, reflective type blog skins and our life is BUSY, CHAOTIC (as in managed chaos) and ACTIVE which didn’t go well with those pictures. I did, however, have the words “follow along with us as we travel life’s seasons” added to the title. Now you know what I was thinking when creating the new blog skin.
Over the last few days, I’ve come to realize that my sadness is not so much over the fact that Amanda has moved out. She’s ready. She’ll be fine. It’s time. I’m really grieving over a season of life that is now in the past. A season when we will no longer have all of our kiddos under the same roof and calling our home “home.” It will take me a few days (months? years? maybe never?) to adjust to this new season.
To my co-op friends – thanks for understanding why I just couldn’t come on Monday and thanks for covering for me. Thanks for the emails, phone calls, and cards. I’ll be back next Monday (and if you don’t ask how I’m doing I’ll do fine – lol).
A few other friends have called or emailed asking how I’m doing and I want to THANK YOU for your care and concern. I’m typically not one to let people know when I’m struggling, but I’d be doing those of you who haven’t crossed this bridge yet a disservice if I said I was fine and I made this look easy. So, here’s a visual for you…. three days out and it’s STILL this painful.
I want so say Thank you Lord for giving me the strength to carry on. Afterall, parenting isn’t going to end.. it will just change – according to my good friend,
DeEtta, who has had many words of wisdom and encouragement for me the last few days. DeEtta, Thanks for being “real” on your blog the last couple of years as you’ve launched two into adulthood or I wouldn’t have been prepared (although I’m still not convinced one “can” prepare) or shall I say be aware of how difficult this this transition would be. And, thanks for reminding me that I still have three more kiddos at home who need a fully engaged mom!! I can’t stay in this pity party forever!
And, now I’ll leave you with these words from the Charlie Hall song, “On the Road to Beautiful.”
On The Road To Beautiful
I crumble at Your kiss and grace
I’m a weakling in the dust
Teach me how to cling to You
With all my life and all my love
Father come to me, hold me up ’cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is short, I can’t reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven’s own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing
And on the road to beautiful
My seasons always change
But my life is spent on loving You
To know You in Your power and pain
You’re my portion in this life
You’re my strength now in my fight
And to You I pledge my heart
In the pain and in the dark I’ll love You
I’ll love You, I’ll love You
I’ll love You…
