I’m not certain I “really” like this poem, but parts of it are REALLY FUNNY to me so I’m going to go ahead and post it and hope no one finds it offensive… I’m certain I will probably always be a “dependent diver.” For the record:

1. I never slept through ANY instructional times and I practically memorized the entire book at least long enough to pass the test (hmmm. isn’t that what we homeschoolers try to KEEP our kids from doing?).
2. Our instructor was NOT like the one in this poem… he did NOT try to sell us anything nor did he give us any false confidence. Quite the contrary. He made CERTAIN we were only doing those skills for which he felt we were ready and that we felt confident in performing. And, he TRIED to explain the dive tables to me (LOL).
3. It IS nice to not have to think about all of the details of diving when you are a “dependent diver” and that’s why I find this poem humorous. I have mentioned to several people that I doubt I’ll ever dive alone.. or in a group without a guide. They tell me that’s what they all say, but I just can’t imagine diving without a guide just yet so this poem suits me for now.

So, with those disclaimers, I hope someone else finds this humorous.

A Psalm For The Dependent Diver by Larry “Harris” Taylor, Ph.D.

My instructor is my shepherd, I shall not think for myself,

He makes me lie down and sleep thru video instruction,

He leads me only in still waters,

He sells me false confidence,

And leads me down a path of self-righteousness,

For his own sake.

Even though I swim through the valley of the shadow of extreme depth,

I will fear no dive malady,

For my instructor is somewhere in the vicinity,

My lack of knowledge and skill,

They comfort me,

For I know not the risks I assume.

He presents a dive table before me,

But He cannot begin to explain its meaning,

He adorns my jacket with patches and sells me equipment,

My cup overflows with praise: He tells me “I am a natural,”

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life

And I shall dwell in the house of the dependent diver forever.

This is an electronic reprint of an article that appeared in IANTD Journal (Aug/Oct. 1994, p. 25). This material is copyrighted and all rights retained by the author. This article is made available as a service to the diving community by the author and may be distributed for any non-commercial or Not-For-Profit use.